Study in Pink
I spent late April writing the last chapter of my thesis and consequently consistently broke my rule of not working on weekends. After my burnout two years ago, I drew boundaries and decided to stop making myself sick in order to get things done. I decided to listen to my body and work on being as calm as possible. Still, this all started to go to hell back in January after so many stressful things, out of my control, started adding up (including #academia) that I started getting a sharp, chronic pain in my stomach. I was treated for an ulcer, but as things didn't get better and more tests were done, my doctors ultimately realized that I was in pain because my body couldn't handle all the stress.
This time around though, the only way to defeat my anxiety was to work through it, within reasonable limits. Almost every day in March and April, I headed to my favorite coffee shop after lunch, worked for a couple of hours (usually 3 or 4) and then headed home to put my thesis aside until the next day. It turned out to be a good way to compartmentalize and make myself get actual work done everyday without forcing myself to unproductively drag the "work" out throughout the entire day and make myself sicker. I was still incredibly stressed, but it was effective. I wrote several pages for every day that I stuck to the schedule and by the end of April, I had 95 pages. I ended up not turning in my thesis as planned in early May as I chose to take the time to calmly revise my work, rather than turn it in without properly doing so, but I am happy that I now have the bulk of the work behind me.
As with every other stressful time in my life, something that's given me much comfort has been been the material world of clothes. Dressing myself every day and doing my makeup calms me down, reminds me that I am in control, and just generally makes me happy. As with every spring (at least since 2016), I've turned to pink lately. I was taught to hate the color by my mom as a little girl (for being too girly) and to love it by my unapologetic grandmother, so I've always had a very fraught relationship with it and honestly, shaking my negative feelings toward it has been quite something. Still, I've come to the realization that I love it and want more of it in my life.
Here are a couple of photos of one of my favorite comfy outfits from the past couple of weeks, from one Sunday where I set out to work with my best friend (who, always wearing black, was shocked by my arrival in such light colors):